Parents often tell us they want children who feel fortunate and appreciate what they have, and many worry that their children seem entitled instead. Research on gratitude links regular gratitude practice with greater well-being. How we try to teach it matters.

A polite thank you is not the same as gratitude

A child who says "thank you" is showing manners, which is worth encouraging. Gratitude is something felt: noticing what you have, what you have experienced, who has helped you, and your own strengths. Prompting politeness does not build that feeling by itself.

What tends not to work

Guilt-based comparisons, such as "children in other countries do not even have enough to eat," usually backfire. They tend to produce shame, defensiveness, or eye-rolling, not appreciation. Lectures and pep talks about how lucky they are have the same problem.

What helps

Gratitude grows in a household where adults practise it. Think gratefully, speak gratefully, and show gratitude through what you do, and your children will pick it up. A regular gratitude conversation makes it concrete. Try finishing sentences like these together:

  • "Today I am grateful for ___ because ___."
  • "Today I noticed these good things: ___" (sights, sounds, smells, kind acts).
  • "I appreciate ___ because ___."
  • "Something in my world I have enough of is ___."

What gratitude can do for children

Studies with children and adults suggest that people who notice what is good tend to:

  • feel more content with their experiences
  • focus less on what is missing and more on what they already have
  • dwell less on negative thoughts
  • recover more quickly from upsets
  • feel more connected to other people and have more room to notice what others are going through

Making it a habit

Pick a moment that already happens, such as dinner or bedtime, and keep it short. Let your children hear your answers too. Five minutes a few times a week does more than an occasional big talk.

If a child seems persistently irritable, anxious, or unhappy, gratitude practice is not a substitute for support. Our page on child and teen therapy describes how we help.