World Kindness Day falls on November 13, which makes it a natural moment to ask how children learn to be kind. Positive psychology research suggests that kindness is not simply a trait some children have. It grows with practice and with the examples children see around them.

Think of kindness as sharing something good with another person, especially when it goes beyond what you would ordinarily do and costs you something, such as time, effort, or resources.

Why kindness is worth practising

  • Giving often feels good to children partly because they know they have lifted someone else's spirits.
  • Children who think back on the good they have done tend to want to do more of it.
  • Receiving kindness tends to lift mood and makes people more likely to help someone else in turn.
  • Observing generosity seems to inspire more of it. Cooperative and generous behaviour tends to spread from person to person.

Children rarely see much kindness in the news or on social media. For most of them, the people they live with are the main source of examples.

How to start at home

  • Make kindness a family project. Let children take ownership, for instance by making a sign that says "You are entering a kindness zone." Buy-in rises when they have a role.
  • Point out generosity when you see it. Noticing kind acts in others, at school, in a story, or in your neighbourhood, makes children more likely to do something kind themselves.
  • Vary the acts. The positive effects last longer when the kind actions change. If every year looks the same, such as a lemonade stand for the same cause, try something different.
  • Help children remember the good moments. A short conversation at bedtime about what went well, or who they helped, makes good feelings easier to recall and builds the habit.
  • Talk about the ripple effect. Children enjoy learning that one kind act can lead to others, and that their action can travel further than they will ever see.
  • Include kindness toward themselves. On a hard day, a small kind act, for someone else or for themselves, can help balance the difficult moments.
  • Model it. Children copy what they watch. Let them see you being generous, especially when you are tired or stressed.

When it is more than a lesson

Kindness cannot be demanded, and it is hard for a child who is anxious, angry, or overwhelmed to be generous. If big emotions are getting in the way at home or at school, a conversation with a clinician can help. Our page on child and teen therapy explains how we work with children and their parents.