Anxiety is part of being human. We all experience it in some form, but it can look and feel different from person to person. With so much conflicting information online about what anxiety is and isn't, it can be hard to know what to make of your own experience. Anxiety is only a problem if it's a problem. That might sound confusing, so let's break it down.
Anxiety can show up as worried thoughts, a tense body, or an uneasy feeling that something might go wrong. Sometimes, it helps us prepare, pay attention, or take action. Feeling anxious doesn't automatically mean you have an anxiety disorder. What matters is how often it shows up, how distressing it feels, and whether it gets in the way of your life. You don't need a diagnosis for that struggle to deserve attention.
For example, have you ever found yourself rereading a text, replaying a conversation, or imagining every possible outcome of a decision? That can be anxiety showing up as overthinking. When not knowing feels uncomfortable, we may keep thinking, checking, or looking for reassurance, hoping to find an answer that will let us relax. This is where uncertainty comes in: sometimes, what keeps us worried is the feeling that we can't settle until we know what will happen.
Maybe you're dating someone new and wondering where things are going, or you've changed careers and keep questioning whether you've made the right choice. For many of us, the hardest part isn't necessarily what is happening. It's not knowing what comes next.
Why is uncertainty so uncomfortable?
Anxiety helps alert us to possible threats and prepares us to respond. Anxiety about an upcoming deadline might motivate you to get started, while concerns about a relationship might prompt an important conversation.
But when we don't know what will happen, our minds can keep searching for answers. Thinking something through can help us make a plan. Overthinking keeps us circling the same questions, even when there is no new information or useful action to take.
In psychology, intolerance of uncertainty describes finding it especially hard to cope with not knowing. It is one pattern that can feed anxiety, rather than a diagnosis in itself. You might notice it when you feel you need a definite answer before you can relax, make a decision, or move forward.
We might repeatedly check our phones, seek reassurance, or spend hours researching a decision. These strategies can provide temporary relief, but they rarely offer lasting certainty. Over time, they can strengthen the feeling that we need an answer before we can cope.
Tolerating uncertainty means making room for not knowing, even when it feels uncomfortable. It doesn't mean liking the unknown or expecting yourself to stop feeling anxious.
Three ways to practise tolerating uncertainty
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) offers practical strategies to help us respond differently to anxious thoughts and the urge to seek certainty.
1. Separate facts from predictions
Anxious thoughts can feel convincing, even when they're based on assumptions. If someone you're dating takes longer than usual to reply, your mind might jump to, "They're losing interest."
Pause and ask yourself:
- What do I actually know?
- What am I assuming or predicting?
- What are some other possible explanations?
The goal isn't to convince yourself that everything will work out. It's to recognize that you don't yet know what the delayed reply means. A thought can feel convincing without being a fact.
2. Take action where you can, and practise leaving some questions unanswered
Ask yourself: Is there something useful I can do about this right now?
If you're worried about an upcoming interview, you can prepare. If something feels off in a relationship, you can have an honest conversation. But you can't control whether you get the job or how another person feels about you.
Once you've taken the useful steps available, notice when thinking turns into going over the same ground. You might remind yourself, "I don't know yet. I've done what I can for now."
You may still feel anxious. Practising uncertainty means allowing that feeling to be there while you return your attention to something else, rather than trying to think your way to a guarantee.
3. Practise with small, everyday uncertainties
Learning to tolerate uncertainty takes practice. Start with small, manageable challenges rather than waiting until you feel completely comfortable.
For example, you might:
- Wait another 15 minutes before checking your phone.
- Make a low-stakes decision without asking someone to confirm it.
- Send an everyday message after one careful read, rather than checking it repeatedly.
Notice the discomfort without immediately trying to make it disappear. These small experiments can help you learn that you can feel anxious and still choose what you do next.
With practice, uncertainty may feel more manageable. The goal is to build confidence in your ability to cope, even when you can't predict the outcome.
You don't need all the answers to move forward
Learning to tolerate uncertainty doesn't mean ignoring genuine concerns or giving up on things that matter to you. It means noticing when thinking helps you address a problem and when the search for certainty keeps you stuck.
You can take sensible steps, care about the outcome, and still leave some questions unanswered.
If anxiety or overthinking is taking up more time and energy than you want, or getting in the way of your relationships, work, or everyday life, therapy can help. You don't need to wait until things feel unmanageable. At VPC, we can work together to understand what keeps the worry going and help you practise responding to uncertainty in ways that make daily life easier.